Emotionally Battered

I am not an emotionally battered wife. I have no problems with the home front whatsoever.

I am, however, an emotionally battered employee.

I have not been known to take insulting words quietly. I guess being married to a co-worker made me more conscious of how I should react to the people at work.

But it doesn´t mean that my boss should treat me the way she´s been treating me lately. I feel such a worthless employee despite the efforts I gave to The Company last year. Sometimes I feel like I a waste of cubicle space.

Having two bosses is enough to cause physical (and emotional) drain, considering both of them expect a 100% of your time and effort. It´s worse when it affects your rating. Apparently, 50-50 means you only get 50% as the highest grade. A 3 out of 5.

It pains also to find out that out of three employees under two bosses, each one of us gets a rating of 1, 2, and 3, with 1 being the highest. Despite my project launches, I still get a three. Part of me thinks boss#1 resented the fact I went to Europe last year. While boss#2 is not happy that I´m not on top of the Rainbow, like my two other teammates.

Sometimes I think I´m not being paid enough. Definitely I feel I am not valued enough.

I mentioned this to boss#2, who doesn´t seem to have a vendetta on me. She´s laying off some of the duties considering the burden. I´m giving it a month.

After which, I will decide to hand in my resignation.

Unwind

Last night, I had an ultimate unwinding evening.

I went to the salon and had my hair cut really short.

After which, I had about an hour foot massage in a different venue.

Gawd, I really needed to unwind.

After all, I just found out I didn't get promoted.

Diagnosis

Having a baby is not easy for hubby and me.

We have been visiting the doctor for a couple of months. Hubby and I have been trying to conceive but to no avail.

There are no words to express how frustrating it has been for us. For me, especially. I don't think I'd ever feel fulfilled until I hold our baby in my arms.

Once, our director asked a bunch of us, what would we want to be if money was no issue. Some of the folks answered a photographer or an owner of a small business. Me? I replied with, "A mom."

I knew since I was 20 that having a baby will be difficult for me. Being diagnosed with not ovulating, ob-gynes told me to get married soon and start having babies at the age of 25. It seemed like a lifetime then and I didn't want get saddled down too early. I thought that science would catch up and cure me.

Almost ten years later, I know I made a good decision. Else, I wouldn't have married the love of my life. But a part of me wish I met hubby years earlier and we would have about 3 kids by now.

I have 11 more days to wait to actually find out.

Else, it will be another series of medicines. Another series of tests. Possibly A.I.